Ponder this for a second, could you get a very gay man who’s been exclusively gay for over a decade, and with no desire to play with girls, kiss one after 11 years and actually like it?
Could you get a very straight man that isn’t even keen to have another man in the room while he’s having sex, turn around and decide that he wants to play with men? Could you go bi sexual and then back to straight? Could you go gay and back to straight? Are you tired of me asking questions? Ok, I’ll stop. So this all started going through my head just recently when said gay man kissed this girl! Yes, me! I have to say I was stunned and kind of flattered all at the same time. He’s a gorgeous man so that wasn’t the issue but it threw my version of reality completely out and made me start to question the whole concept of sexuality.
I had to ask, did this mean he was now becoming more bi-sexual? I did actually ask him and while he’s pretty sure that there are a lot of things he isn’t interested in doing with girls, he did enjoy kissing me. He came back numerous times during the evening for more so that kind of gave it away! When I sat and thought about it though, I found evidence to suggest that sexuality is fluid. I’ll explain further but let me share this… I used to be what I considered “straight”, now I’m more bi-curious and heading towards bi sexual. I’m pretty sure I won’t go any further than that, however, I’m wondering… Is it possible? Will hubby and I both play in the bi zone for a period of time, get our fill (so to speak) and then go back to “straight”? Or will we never go back?
I don’t think I can answer all of those questions. I do think you can swing either way but naturally you’ll have a limit or zone. It’s not a comfort zone as such but just to keep it clear, I’m going to call it the “swing zone”. Now I’m not saying everyone is naturally a swinger (although I think deep down we all want to be!), just that we have zone in the sexuality scale that we swing between. So imagine a scale between 0 and 6; 0 as being completely straight to the point of being homophobic and 6 to the point of almost being straightaphobic! Is there such a thing? Neither may be “phobic” as such but the idea of having intimate contact with someone at the opposite end of the scale induces an “eeewwwwww” factor! Now to fill in the details of the scale (which is basically the “Kinsey scale” that you can Google later), number 3 would be the only number that swings both ways and can easily be in a relationship with either sex. That leaves some numbers and variations in between each, correct?
Are you with me still? Let me draw you a picture… 0______1______2______3______4______5______6 0 = Very Straight 3 = Very Bi 6 = Very Gay So what numbers do we have left? 1 = OK with having another person of the same sex in the room during playtime, might even be a little curious and starting to explore. 2 = Is playing in the bi-sexual world and engaging in same sex play but couldn’t be in a relationship with someone of the same sex. 4 = Is more gay than bi-sexual but can play with either sex, prefers to be in a relationship with the same sex though. 5 = Even more gay than 4, is there such a thing as straight curious? Ok, now that we have that straight (or gay), imagine taking a highlighter and highlighting just a few numbers or what I’m calling a “swing zone”.
Let’s use me as a live example. I was probably never really a full 0, but still fairly straight so your highlighter could start at 0.5. I can’t say that I’ll ever be a full 3 either, but am happy to play with everything up to that point so you could highlight all the way up to 2.5? That’s my swing zone. So I can change from being mostly bi to mostly straight at different times and whenever it suits me. Now, to make it more interesting, 10 years ago I would have never seen myself get past a 1. So this begs the question, can your swing zone change or extend? When I met my husband his swing zone would have been between 0 and 0.5. He wasn’t even sure he’d like the idea of another man in the room while we were having sex, let-a-lone actually touch one. That was then… now however; he has no reservations about kissing a gay man in a straight pub on a Friday evening when the place is packed! Well, that might have something to do with the shock factor of doing it but that’s a whole other article!
These days it seems he’s more bi-sexual than I am but not quite to the point where he’d be in a relationship with a man, so maybe a 2.8 on our scale? His swing zone has extended a fair bit wouldn’t you say? That said I can’t see him going back to a 0 so his swing zone is likely between 1 and 2.8. See what I mean? Its fluid; it changes and it can change back too! I met a guy who was full on into same sex play, probably being at least a 2.5 on the scale when he was in his early 20′s. He’s now married to a lovely woman and has no desire to do it again. She doesn’t mind the idea but he’s “done it” and is happy as he is now. So his swing zone is still between 1 and 2.5 but he’s currently a 1. So what about you? What’s your swing zone? Could you see yourself moving up or down the scale? Either way, whatever it is now doesn’t mean that’s what it will always be and I think the first step is just being open to the idea that it can change…